Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal might be cursed
Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal might be cursed
Photo by Matthias Hangst/Getty Images
CR7 has shot 20 times in the Euros so far. He’s got a donut to show for it.
Cristiano Ronaldo put on a show against Austria
Saturday night. Austria’s messy, disjointed display meant that the
world’s best pure scorer could do everything he loves to do. Portugal
fired off 23 shots, and Ronaldo took 10 of them, including a penalty
attempt. And somehow, some way, Portugal left the pitch with a 0-0 draw.
Come on, you knew this was coming:
How is this possible? Is
Ronaldo hot garbage now? Is he being played out of position? Nonsense.
The dude bagged 51 goals for Real Madrid last year at the age of 31. (He
hasn’t scored less than 50 goals in a season since 2009-10.) Even
though he’s moved more centrally as he’s gotten older, he’s become an
incredible No. 9. His movement to create space for himself is
impeccable. He peels off defenders’ shoulders, stretches them out, and
takes excellent shots. His performance tonight was superlative, and yet,
he couldn’t find the back of the net once.
This curse stretches back to
the Iceland draw, too. Ronaldo’s taken 20 shots across both games, and
he’s scored exactly none of them. He turns, spins, and sees his shot go
just wide of the post. He sees his free kicks (obviously) sky the bar.
When he drills the ball on frame, keepers like Austria’s Robert Ulmer
make insane saves. Even when Ronaldo steps up to the penalty spot, he
whacks the woodwork. Cristiano Ronaldo isn’t suddenly bad; rather, the
very fabric of the universe might be tearing itself apart.
Now, Ronaldo wasn’t solely
responsible for Portugal’s rotten luck. The team has shot 50 times
across both games in the tournament thus far, and only have a Nani goal
against Iceland to show for it. Ricardo Quaresma started against Austria
to give the side more attacking spark out wide, and the midfield
absolutely ran rings around Alaba and company, particularly in the first
half. It was all for naught. The entire starting XI had a WTF
performance tonight.
We all know, however, that as
goes Ronaldo, so goes Portugal. The best pure scorer in the world came
up mystifyingly short today. That doesn’t mean it will happen when they
face Hungary on Wednesday, nor if they advance to the knockout stage.
CR7 may erupt and bag a double hatty, send Portugal through to the next
round, and this weirdness might be forgotten. If not, we may have to
suddenly realize that we are living in the darkest timeline of the
European Championship.
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